rotten journal

𓏵 𓊆09/11/26𓊇 𓏵



нαpιι'ѕ 𝜗𝜚 вloɢ 001

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

ᑯ𝖾α𝗋 ᑯ𝗂α𝗋𝗒 . . .

I had that stupid baby dream again, and its kinda making me feel sad that maybe I would never get to experience having my own children. But I'm still young so maybe soon? hmm.. It does makes me wonder on what those dreams mean. like does it mean that maybe in another universe I already have a child? a sweet baby?



I don't know.. and maybe I'll never get to know, but it does makes me hopeful and happy that maybe, maybe in another reality and universe I have my own sweet babies and family that I would cherish..



It makes me wish to have those kind of dreams again.. to see their sweet smiles..





-`♡´- forᥱvᥱr rottιᥒg,

‎ꫂ᭪݁ ᛝ hᥲριιsᥣυm .ᐟ

𓏵 𓊆09/17/26𓊇 𓏵



нαpιι'ѕ 𝜗𝜚 вloɢ 002

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

ᑯ𝖾α𝗋 ᑯ𝗂α𝗋𝗒 . . .

I've failed. I was supposed to clean.



My broom was new, pretty and beautiful.



I brushed the dust, I brushed the webs, but it did nothing

except make more mess.



The more I swept, the more I cried.

The tiles have cracked. So did my heart.



My wine finally spilled, staining the floor,

seeping through the cracks.



And I just stood there with my worthless, beautiful broom,

failing to make anything clean.





-`♡´- forᥱvᥱr rottιᥒg,

‎ꫂ᭪݁ ᛝ hᥲριιsᥣυm .ᐟ

𓏵 𓊆10/06/26𓊇 𓏵



нαpιι'ѕ 𝜗𝜚 вloɢ 004

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

ᑯ𝖾α𝗋 ᑯ𝗂α𝗋𝗒 . . .

Everyone is watching.

but why do they need to watch? what's wrong with my body?



Mother told me to count my calories, Father agrees.

I did my best, but I'm still that useless child.



Im hungry, Im hungry, Im h

u

n

g

r

y



I want to eat but I'll throw it up anyway.

My stomach is begging for food but all I feel is thirst.

maybe a little bit of bread will be alright for the next few days,

But I'll throwed it all up too.



I don't really care for the "body standards" but my mother does so,



I'll throw it all up again.



-`♡´- forᥱvᥱr rottιᥒg,

‎ꫂ᭪݁ ᛝ hᥲριιsᥣυm .ᐟ

𓏵 𓊆10/16/26𓊇 𓏵



нαpιι'ѕ 𝜗𝜚 вloɢ 005

︶⊹︶︶୨୧︶︶⊹︶

ᑯ𝖾α𝗋 ᑯ𝗂α𝗋𝗒 . . .

I hate my father

he yells and makes me feel like a slut. he calls me names, makes me feel ugly, and

comment on my body like my mother does, They make me feel ashamed of myself, of my body, of things I shouldn't even have to feel ashamed of. And I hate him for making me feel that way.



I hate him cause he sometimes hurt and yell at my pets too. They doesn't understand and just want to eat like I do.



I hate him cause he cheats and yell at mother. I hate him cause he drinks and lie about it to her. I hate him cause he often threaten to just die rather than to hear mother lecture him to take it easy on drinking and to take care of his health. As if his life is something he can throw at her whenever he doesn't want to hear what she has to say.



Maybe I'm supposed to love him because he's my father. Maybe I'm supposed to forgive him, understand him, or keep quiet because he's my parent.



But I don't want to do any of those things. I don't wanna forgive him.



I wanna be angry. I want and will admit that he has hurt me.

I want to stop pretending that the things he does don't affect me.





I hate him.



i HATE him.



i hate HIM.





and I will never take those words back.



-`♡´- forᥱvᥱr rottιᥒg,

‎ꫂ᭪݁ ᛝ hᥲριιsᥣυm .ᐟ